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The Worst Part About Being a Nudist
Nothing is 100% amazing. Not even being a nudist. The lifestyle has its downsides.
Chief among them: guns.
If you’re a nudist it’s hard to carry a gun. Here in Florida guns gotta be concealed. Long gone are the open-carry cowboy days of Florida where a man could strut his stuff in the buff with his trusty 6-shooter on his hip.
Nope. We gotta hide our guns like some dirty little secret these days. Just like we have to hide our dicks and boobs. World is upside down.
What if I want to go to a nude beach AND wish to protect myself?
What do I do? What do you do?
(Florida lawmakers didn’t think about that. We desperately need nudist, gun-carrying representation in government. PERIOD.)
Here’s What You Do, Friend
Boom. Problem solved.
The fanny pack is not only the greatest invention of all time, but it’s particularly handy for nudists and gun carriers.
Nudists’ biggest problem is: NO POCKETS to hold stuff. No clothes = no pockets for keys, money, phone.
Gun carriers’ problems are:
– gun often needs to be concealed
-can’t get beach sand in a gun
-gotta have the gun on your person and easy to draw.
Put your gun in a fanny pack. It solves all these problems.
They come in man colors AND woman colors. Pink, black, camo, gold, rainbow – whatever you want – there’s a fanny pack in that color.
The fanny pack is harder to draw from than, say, the Sneaky Pete Holsters, but, in my opinion, the Sneaky Pete ain’t so sneaky for a nudist. Sneaky Pete holsters require a belt. Why would a nudist wear a belt? Makes no sense.
Here I am at Haulover Beach with my fully-equipped fanny pack:
Oh nothing fancy. Just a little Ruger LCP .380 and extra magazine. That’s my beach gun.
(The .380 doesn’t offer much for stopping power, so you’ll need lots of ammo. Hollow points.)
Let Me Tell You Something About Ruger
One time I got some beach sand in my Ruger. Jammed it up good. Had to knock off the slider with a mallet. Messed it up a little bit. I was left unarmed and completely vulnerable to the elements of Miami.
So I call up ol’ Ruger and you know what they said?
“Austin, we’re gonna email you a pre-paid shipping order. Send us the gun and we’ll get her up to snuff.”
You know what they did?
They fixed my piece and sent it back to me right away. No charge.
Friendship like that is worth more than gold.
And the feeling a man gets from being both naked in public AND armed is downright platinum.
Getchurself a piece, a fanny pack, a big hat, a flower-scented woman, and head over to your nearest Nude Spot today.
I can’t live your life for you,
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