How to Sunbathe Your Butt
You know where most anabolic steroid users inject their steroids? Into their butt cheeks. Why? It obviously works better. That’s where doctors inject it.
Which is why when you’re getting your vitamin D you have to make sure it goes into your butt.
But don’t use a needle.
No, no, no. Don’t do that. That’s not how nature intended.
You have to sunbathe your butt.
Just like injecting steroids into your butt is the best way to take steroids, getting some sunshine on your buns is one of the best ways to get vitamin D.
Let the UVB do it. Let the sunshine inject itself into every pore of your butt. You’ll get more vitamin D, you’ll feel much better, and you’ll be much stronger.
The skin of your butt contains a vitamin D precursor called 7-dehydrocholesterol. Google it, I ain’t lying.
When UVB rays from the sun shine upon your glorious buns that 7-dehydrocholesterol undergoes a chemical reaction and is transformed into pre-vitamin D (25-hydroxycholecalciferol). That pre-vitamin D is absorbed from your bum bum into your bloodstream and is then transported all throughout your body.
Every cell, tissue, and organ in your body contains vitamin D receptors (VDRs) and when these pre-vitamin D molecules come into contact with VDRs they are transformed into hormonally active vitamin D (1-25 dihydroxycholecalciferol). It is this final product in the vitamin D synthesis process that is actually an anabolic steroid hormone.
The bigger your butt is
The more vitamin D you’ll make, but don’t worry if you have a tiny butt – you’re still maximizing your vitamin D production. Over time you can make your butt bigger with squats.
We’re meant to create vitamin D in our asses. Our butts are solar panels. Build your solar panels up big and strong. Harness the power of the sun and wield almighty power.
All will know your name.
How to Sunbathe Your Butt
Step 1 – Find an outdoor place where it’s legal to do so. If you’re in Spain – you’re in luck. It’s legal everywhere. If you’re in America – it’s complicated. Use the NudeSpots spot locator to find your spot. If you have a private backyard or balcony that’s like being a quadrillionaire in butt-sunning dollars.
Step 2 – Take your britches off
Now if you’ve never done it before and you got a pasty white butt – it’s gonna burn real easy. No good. Everybody likes toasted buns, but nobody wants burnt buns. No, no.
Let your bum bum get a little bit of unprotected sun exposure. 15 minutes. Then inspect to see if you’re getting pink at all. If not, then maybe another 15 minutes. If you’re a first-timer or it’s been a while I would put on the sunblock after that. Use child-safe sunblock made of zinc and titanium dioxide. It’s healthier.
You want your butt to get at least a bit of unprotected sun exposure so you can produce a melanin response, but don’t get burned. That melanin is natural sunscreen your body makes. God already had us covered.
After the rona lockdown my ass was as white as can be and you bet your biscuits I slathered on the sunscreen.
Slathered it on GOOD.
Now after you build up that melanin on your booty you can stop worrying about burning your buns.
Eat some dark chocolate. That will also reduce sunburn risk.
Step 3: Post-Care
Have a lady rub aloe vera on your buns after you’re done. Keep your buns moist, nobody likes dry buns.
The first time I got some sun on my buns
Let me tell you – I could feel the power. I could feel the strength. I could feel the energy. Hammer of Thor. Lighting of Zeuss. Beard of Odin. Force of Kenobi. Heel hook of Tonon. I felt the power.
I’ll never forget it. If you’ve done it then you know what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t done it yet – let me tell you – you won’t forget it.
I had never felt such power in my life.
What kind of power? I’m talking about getting that boost you need to go ask your boss for a raise, asking that cute girl out you’ve been eyeballing, PRing on all your lifts, discovering your true purpose in life, and rotating your tires yourself – all in one day. Where else are you gonna get that kind of power? You tell me and we’ll do a Pepsi challenge.
Our asses are SOLAR PANELS with which we harness the power of the sun. If you’re keeping your ass covered by clothing you are preventing these miraculous solar panels from absorbing the UVB and giving you unlimited power.
Go outside and look at how many people have their asses covered up. Is it any wonder that so many people are on antidepressants, TRT, and stimulants? They’re not getting vitamin D into their asses so they feel terrible.
You know how when Superman is weak and not kicking ass he always has to fly himself on up to the sun and get the D. What they don’t show you is… he pulls his britches down and suns his ass and balls. The planet is being threatened by doomsday catastrophe and you think he’s gonna not solar charge his private parts before taking care of business? No siree bob. Not Superman.
Why don’t animals in nature wear pants?
Because they instinctively know that by covering their asses, they won’t harness the sacred solar energy. In nature you must survive and wild animals can’t afford to cover their asses with clothing. Having or not having ass-generated solar energy could mean the difference between life and death for a critter.
But people forget…
That us humans are also animals and just like animals in the safari, we also require sunshine on our asses.
That’s why I make such a big deal about ditching the swimsuit when you sunbathe. Tanning your testicles results in much higher testosterone and tanning your buns results in much higher vitamin D levels.
It’s objectively healthier to tan your buns and balls. More vitamin D, more testosterone.
You can’t leave these vital organs out of the action.
You have to sunbathe totally naked, as nature intended, just like the lion – king of the jungle.
He ain’t wearing pants. No siree bob.
The big question you need to ask yourself
Are you a lion? Or are you an indoor-dweller naked mole rat?
That’s exactly what I thought.
I don’t want you walking around with a pasty white butt. You’re too important.
The great fight is coming and we will all need our butts solar-charged.
I’ll need you in my corner.
Find yourself a nude spot if you haven’t already.
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Until next time,